Why?
by Kuramaswife
Summary: A one shot. Kurama just confessed his feelings but Hiei rejects him. This is about what happenes after his rejections. Yaoi (duh) Rated for mild language


Why?

Hello every one. I had this idea pop into my head one day while I was feeling gloomy. Also I always wanted to write this kind of fic. T.T so...yea. Any way **this fic is yaoi, which means Male/ Male relationships so if you're not into this kind of stuff, or it just completely disgust you then don't read it**. You have been warned. Well that's all I got to say. You Kyo?

Kyo: Hell yea I got something to say! Stop acting so damn creepy, you're scaring me for crying out loud.

KW: Is that so? Well I am very sorry for that Kyo. Perhaps I will be more cheerful when I get reviews for this story. =.=

Kyo: ...Anyway, She doesn't own yu yu Hakusho. For my sake, review this story, she is creeping me out....

KW: On with this fic. T.T

Hiei's POV---

_You've chosen to come to me and tell me your feelings. These weak human feelings you feel towards me. I believe you referred to it as 'love'. Don't you know that such a word holds no true value or meaning to me? Don't you know that a forbidden child such as I cannot feel nor receive love towards another? So why? Why have you chosen to tell me such a thing? I once thought I understood you, but right now you have proven me wrong. As I reject you, I can see warm tears welling up in your emerald green eyes. I can honestly say that this does not make me want to change my answer, but I cannot say that deep down inside this does not affect me._

_The following day of your confession I noticed that you are having a hard time looking me straight in the eye. I my self am also having the same problem. How can I look at you the same way knowing that you feel for me the way you do. When I look at you, I see you as a companion, a friend. But when you look at me, I now know that you look at me as a lover, a bedmate. It makes me feel uncomfortable, and I hate that more than anything._

_One day, for no particular reason, I decide to watch you in class. Your teacher is talking, giving you some sort of 'education' as you put it, but I notice you aren't paying the slightest attention. Instead you are staring at nothing, obviously in your own little world. Why? Why are you acting weird all of a sudden? Is it because of me? Because I rejected you? I shake my head. Even if it is, why should I care? Wait...do I care? No, of course not. You are nothing more to me than a fighting companion, an ally._

_Two weeks later Koenma calls us all in for another mission. I notice you avoid every chance to look at me. Are you still upset over me? Why? Why do you care so much for me? I have rejected you, and avoided you this past month. So why, even still, do you care for me? As I glance over to you I notice more changes in the way you are. I can tell you haven't been eating, because your clothes are getting very baggy around you. I can also tell you were crying recently, for I can still make out the tear tracks. I shake it off. I know you can get over it. You are the great Yoko Kurama; nothing can hurt or faze you, especially not rejection. Just go find another, I 'm sure it shouldn't be that hard seeing as though you are the great Kurama, envied and loved by all._

_As more time passes, you start to get careless in both the way you fight and the way you look. Your hair is a dull and dirty looking red, and your eyes look as cold as ice. You no longer care if you win or lose in a battle. You're just always so neutral. It's starting to drive me crazy. What is happening to you? Is my rejection causing you to do this? Why is this still hurting you so much? Why can't you get over it? Why damn it?!_

_The tenth night has gone by of me observing you. You now have a new pattern of sleep. You will first try to focus on your 'homework' failing, miserably, and then you will cry, causing your ningen mother to come and try to comfort you. But for some reason, you don't want her help, and you practically hiss her away, hurting her. And you seem as though you don't care anymore. Your heart is becoming cold towards all. Especially towards those who try to help. You're cutting your self off from every one, building strong walls and barriers around your self. Why are you doing this? I don't understand you any more. Who are you?_

_As more time passes, Yusuke and the baka are also starting to notice that you are acting differently. Yusuke was so bold as to ask me if I knew what was wrong with him, seeing as though he was to scared of Kurama to ask him. I said I knew nothing and that I didn't care, but that isn't true. I am starting to care, if I didn't I would be curious as of why he is changing so much. But I only care for him as a friend. If he isn't in top health then he is useless in a fight._

_Three month's after his confession, I decide to confront him face to face, to see what is really going on. He seems to never go to school anymore, so I easily find him in his room. But I m surprised to see he is drinking some human drink he calls 'liquor'. I heard from Yusuke that it is suppose to take away pain. Pain from what? He can't still be hurting from my rejection, can he? That was three months ago, it's way past time to get over it. It is this stupid Ningenkai that has made you so weak. Just get over it!_

_I knock on your window three times to make my presence known. You simply look at me and take another sip from your bottle and turn away from me. Are you starting to feel hatred towards me? Is all of this because of my rejection? Would it be better if I said I loved you, even when it isn't true? I would rather hurt you honestly than mislead you with a lie._

_Seeing as though you aren't going to open the window for me I decide to leave. I will just have to catch you when you come out and are surrounded by people so that you have nowhere to go or to hide behide._

_I come back later on in the night one day and find you asleep. This is only the second time I have actually seen you sleep since the night I rejected you. I slid my finger inside the crack of his window and open it to let my self in. Yes I have known how open his window for a long time, but I wont enter if he doesn't want me to. I do respect you even now. I will even admit that I care for him, as a friend, but that is all. That is all he will ever be to me; a friend. I, very quietly, walk over to your bed where you are obviously passed out from exhaustion. Why do you continue to torture your self over me? Have I really made such a big impact on your life? Why can't you get over me? Just get over me! I don't love you! Get that through your thick skull! I don't care for you in that way!!_

_As I am mental scolding you, I can see that you are once again starting to cry. I figure you must be having some sort of nightmare. Well, it's none of my business, so I decide to leave you. But I stop at hearing you whisper my name. Are you even dreaming about me? Can a person's love be so strong for another that they even dream about them? I feel as though this nightmare of his has become my business, so I untie the ward around my jagan. Then I place two fingers on his forehead and I now witness his dreams...._

_Kurama's POV---_

_As I walk through this empty room of complete darkness, I sense another presence coming closer and yet farther away from me. I close me eyes and try with all my might to decipher who this person is but it is no use. Then when it finally speaks to me, I can tell immediately who it is_.

"Who are you?" _Yoko speaks to me_.

"What do you mean? I am you, your other self."

"Is that so? Well you know, I don't believe that. If you truly are my other self, then why are you acting so pathetic? Why can't you get over him? Why are you considering the possibility of killing your self?! WHY!?" _My other self screams at me_.

"Because I love him! I can't just be over him like that!" _I say falling to my knees and covering my wet face with my hands. _"All this pain and suffering, I did this! This was all my fault! If I would have just kept my feelings to myself; him and I would at least still be friends! But now look at us! He can barely stand to look at me, and I am now too ashamed to even talk to him! I don't know what I can do to stop this suffering. The pain has gotten so bad that everyday I wake up I wish that I would just die." _I say as tears begin to rapidly fall down my face._

_Hiei's POV—_

_I stand there, shocked and confused as I watch you and your Yoko self argue over me. You now wish that every day you could just die? Because you are hurting deeply from my rejection? I here the words of Yoko replay in my head over and over again._

Why are you considering the possibility of killing your self?!

Why are you considering the possibility of killing your self?!

Why are you considering the possibility of killing your self?!

Why are you considering the possibility of killing your self?!

_The possibility of killing your self? You would really kill yourself just to get rid of the pain of rejection? Then I was right, you are no longer Suichi Minamono or Yoko Kurama. If that is so, then who the hell are you? And what have you done to them both?_

_I try to reach my hand out to you, but it seems the closer my hand gets to you, the farther away from me you get. Suddenly, I am thrown out of this dark room and back into your bedroom to find that you are slightly awake, as you have your eyes only half way open. I stare at you for a long time feeling uneasy and nervous around you. You reach one of your arm out to me and I freeze, curious to see what you are going to do. You bring your other arm out and wrap them both around my shoulders, pulling me closer towards you in a tight embrace, in bed with you. You re-close your eyes, going back into your dreamland, and rub your cheek against mine and your hands up and down my back. I feel extremely uncomfortable and began to blush a bright pink. I try hard to push away from you and not wake you, but it seems that your grip is much stronger when you sleep. I finally stop my struggle, and try to relax in your tight embrace, finding it to be difficult at first. I drift of into a dreamland with you, for some reason feeling warm and safe in your arms. There is also a new feeling welling up inside of me that I cannot describe; that I have never felt before. I don't know what it is and I find myself almost to scared to even want to know._

_I awoke early that morning to find him still asleep. I was shocked to see that he was no longer holding me, but it was I that was holding him. I get up and quickly jump out of the window, with a sudden feeling of loneliness and lots of embarrassment. Is this what it feels like to experience love for the first time? ...No that can't be it, could it? I am just probably hungry or something like that. There is no way I can give nor receive love. So after I eat and take a nice nap I will be feeling much better. Yes, That will do..._

_Kurama's POV---_

_As I awoke this morning I am feeling, happy. I don't know why, but for some reason, I am feeling very happy. I get up to take a shower, undressing when I notice that my window is open. I don't remember leaving that window open. But, It could just be all that sake' that I had last night. I shrug my shoulders as I examine my self in the mirror. My Inari, I look a frightful mess. I put my hands to my face, touching my increasingly thin cheeks. I can't continue to do this to my self, but I just can't get over you, Hiei. I think, as my happy mood is sudden replaced with heavy depression._

_I have decided, I will confront you and ask you one more time. If you reject me again then I will have to end my suffering once and for all. That is my only solution._

_After I get out of the shower, I dress in my school uniform and go down stairs for a little bite to eat. I grab a little piece of toast and I walk to school. As I get there, tons of ningen girls are surrounding me, asking me silly question, but I ignore them, giving them all cold glares. Some of them back off, others are still very persistent and continue to nag at me. I am starting to get very irritated with them. Wait, me irritated? I really am changing, and not for the better. Hiei, why can't you understand or feel love? Just because you are forbidden does not mean that you cannot receive or give love. The only reason you can't, is because you don't want it. Why? Why would any one not want love? Are you afraid of it? Does it make you feel weak? What is it?! I have all these questions that I need to ask you, and I will._

_Hiei's POV---_

_I am hoping tree to tree, listening to your every thought. It is easy, for your thoughts are very loud. I can also tell you are upset. I can see it in your ki. Little strikes of red along with big spots of blue and gray. Blue and gray? Wait, are you depressed as well? Is that why you are acting this way? Because you are depressed? I can't stand to see you like this any more. You are driving my crazy with this non-sense you call love. I can't understand why you believe in such a word so much that your whole life would revolve around it. You're not making any sense! (A/N...So many un-answered questions, so little time to explain. ; )_

_I wait in a tree not far away from your class, just waiting for you to come out. I hear a loud bell ringing inside your school, marking that it is time for you to leave. This is it. This is the moment I will talk to you; confront you. If I don't do it now, I am worried that you will kill yourself later. Wait, did I just say worried? Am I starting to feel for you the way you say you do for me? Am I? There are so many questions that I cannot answer right now. Damn you Kurama! It is all your fault! You are the one who has turned my world up side down; you are the one who I direct all these stupid questions towards. It is you who is confusing me so, causing me to worry about your idiotic self. All because of that stupid Human emotion you call love. I think that stupid infectious disease has gotten me caught into its web, where a big spider will come and bite off my head. Well I think I would rather keep my head and not be in that situation. Unlike Kurama, who would willingly throw him self into the web and offer his head. (A/N In case you don't understand my heavy metaphor's I will explain. The web represents love and the spider represents Heartbreak. So what Hiei is basically saying is that he would rather avoid love then to risk having his heart broken. Understand now? )_

_My thoughts are interrupted as I see him walking out side from his school, with a walk that is lacking it's usual elegance and gentleness. In stead you seem to be rushing out of the school, almost stumping with your every step. It is frustrating towards me. I used to admire that about you, how you could walk with such elegance that it seem as though you were walking on air. But now it seems as though you are walking through mud._

_I see your silly fan club girls following close behide you, chatting about these changes your going through. Some of them don't approve of it. Others are still being loyal to you, and say you have changed for the better. As if you would care what their pathetic minds think of you._

_Once the last of the onna's has left your side on your walk home, I come down from the tree I have been hiding in and stand directly in front of you, staring you right in the eye. You look shocked at first but then your face turns cold._

_Kurama's POV ---_

_I can't believe it! You are here with me, face to face. Why? Are you here to confront me? Are you here to make me feel even worse? Or could you are possibly here to tell me that your feeling have changed towards me? Yeah right.... Keep dreaming Kurama_

"What do you want Hiei?" _I asked him, trying to sound annoyed at him_.

"I want to know why. Why is it that you have changed so much? Why is it you avoid me all the time? Why is it that right now, you can't even look at me? Why?" _he asked with determination_.

"Don't ask stupid questions you already know the answer to." _I say to him, coldly. Do you really not know me that much that you can't answer all of those questions? I once thought you understood me, as I do you. But I guess not._

"I wouldn't ask if I already knew. Stop avoiding and answer the damn question." _He said starting to get annoyed with me. I sigh deeply._

"Okay fine, the reason why I have changed, have avoided you, and can't look you straight in the eye is because...I am not strong. I'm not strong enough to get over your rejection. It is killing me inside, tearing away at my soul little by little. Do you have any idea what it feels like to be rejected in such a way that it makes you want to kill yourself? Do you!?" _I shouted falling to my knees, trying to hold back tears._

"Actually, I do." _He said turning his back towards me._ "I know exactly what it feels like to be reject, to become an outcast. I know how everything but this stupid love feels. I also do not understand it. It makes no sense. Can you explain to me exactly what is this silly emotion you call love. I wish to know this. Can you tell me?" _he says, turning back around to look at me. For the first time in half a year I look you straight in the eye. And I can see that you are worried and confused. Worried? Of what, what I will say?_

"Love is a deep liking towards another person. A strong bond between you and another. A strong attraction brought about by affection or desire. All of those are what I feel towards you." _I nervously say, no longer looking at you. I fear what you might say next. He looked at me again, trying to decide something._

"Define attraction."

"But why?"

"Just do it."

"An attraction is feeling like you always need to be with a person."

"And you feel this towards me?" _he asks me. I nod_.

"I always have Hiei. Since I first saw you." I look back into his eyes. "I love you Hiei. Now that you better understand it, do you love me?" _I ask him, closing my eyes and bracing myself for the rejection I know I will receive....again._

"I'm not sure." _He says touching my face and making me open my eyes._

"I admit, I do feel a strange attraction towards you. Every time I touch you, I feel my heart speed up. I do have a deep liking toward you; a special one I have never felt before." _You pause as you wipe a tear from my eye_. "But I hate to see you cry or be in pain. It makes me upset. Especially when I cause you pain. But can you also call that love?"

"Yes, Hiei you can. Its called caring and it is a main virtue in love. If you don't have care, then you don't have love." _I say as more tears start to pour down my face_.

"Then I guess I do love you. Actually, you're the only person I do love." _He said to me, followed by a small smile. I pulled him down to his knees and wrapped him in my arms, kissing him. I could tell that this was his first kiss, because he froze when I did so._

Hiei POV---

_Is he kissing me? This feels good and I want to kiss back but, I don't know how. Is this also apart of this love? He pulls away for a minute to tell me something_.

"Do what I am doing."

_I nod my head and he kisses me again. This time I imitate him and kiss back, increasing the pleasure of the kiss. He starts to kiss down my neck and I let him, as I gasp for air. I am finding it difficult to breath and there is a sweet sensation running down my spine. This feeling is also new. (A/N Does any one notice that they are just kneeling in the street? What if a car comes?)_

"Kurama, I can hardly breath....is this....normal?" _I ask in between breaths. He comes back up and kisses me again. Then pulls away._

"Please don't talk any more, just feel." _He says to me. I nod half understanding what he means. But then a car beeps it's horn at us, causing us to break away from each other_.

"God!! Why don't you two get a room instead of making out in the damn street!! Teenagers these days!" _A women shouts from inside her car. We both stand up and move to the sidewalk_.

"I think we should continue this in my room. What do you think?" _He asks me. I pick him up and run as fast as I can to his house with sudden burst of excitment. Why am I so excited? Why?_

Owari

That's all. There is no more. I hope you enjoyed this little fic. If not then oh well. T.T

I hope you weren't hoping for a lemon because I don't write lemons. I eat them.

Kyo: is totally creeped out ......plz review. She is scaring me!!


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